Ways To Successfully Navigate International Flights.

So I have successfully navigated my way through my first international flight. Not bad - Pearson airport is dead on Wednesday nights so it wasn't too busy. After going through customs (where the enforcer told me i had too much of a face wash and took it away) I was on my way to my terminal and in airport bar.
However, C'MON. 200 ml of anything is over the guidelines for what's allowed on flights. My bottle was 250 ml but nearly empty. Did she think I was going to go on a rampage and wash the face of everyone on the flight if she let "it slide" as she put it. Am I some pore nazi? Anyways, it was a really great face wash and I was upset (luckily I had a new bottle in my checked luggage). The girl at the x-ray machine or whatever they call it was sympathetic - apparently she uses the same wash. I told her she might as well keep it - but she got VERY serious and told me "that wasn't acceptable". I swear, border crossings are like humour vortexes. NOTHING is funny. Ever.
So ya, I get through customs no problems and head towards the terminal. But wait. HHHHHEEELLLLLIO airport bar. Don't mind if I do. Oh wait. $8.50 for a pint. If I wasn't so thirsty I'd have passed but I had one day left before my cell phone was suspended so I was going to make the most of it. 35$ dollars later I boarded the plane.
Now, I've never been one for racism. My good friend Sally can atest to this - Whatever. I'm Canadian so my next comment might be racist or whatever....BUT.... the man sitting next to me smelt so bad I was gagging in my seat. I had to figure out a way to get him to move. Farting and burping a lot and slyly smiling and apologizing for 'gas' was the best way.
So, once stinky McStinkerson was taken care of the flight was kind of great. Air Canada has little tv's built into every headrest so I watched an Inconvenient Truth while riding in an airplane dumping emissions high into the atmosphere. Here's some rules for surviving International flights:

1) Just because he's a hot dad doesn't mean he's not a dad. His baby will scream the whole way because ears pop. It's called Pressure. You'd think its head was exploding with all the noise it's making but it's just their ear popping. Regardless, hot dads are to be avoided.

2)Not just movies, Air Canada (i'm guessing) has deals with record labels - I could listen to entire albums. So, thank you Hercules & Love Affaair, Tina Turner's Greatest Hits, and Nina Simone's Greatest hits for making my flight that much sweeter.

3) Alcohol is free. no matter how bitchy the flight attendant gets because she thinks you're getting wasted. pay no attention. Order a wine and when another attendant walks by pretend you never got one and ask for another.

4) Also, they serve a meal. AAAAALLLLLLLWAYS get the chicken option. I did beef. Learn from my mistakes.

Well, without a hitch my flight landed and Heathrow blew my mind. SSSSOOOOOO big. I have to board a bus to Southampton. More to follow.